When they don't fight

In the world we live, there are daily struggles, some are harder than others but we all have them, when those around us fight, we gain strength and we know we are not alone. We work together and we WILL get through it.

But when someone doesn't, ever, fight. We lose hope, we lose our ability to fight, "crying doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been fighting too long" And it's true, we sometimes are not at our full strength, whether it's a 'low day' whether it's depression or whether it's just a bad day, but sometimes we are weakened by something and it's on those days we need our loved ones to help take the load a little, or even just pick up the slack. But when our loved ones are in a worse place than we are, then we are happy to pick up the slack, even if we're having troubles with our own load, we do it cause we love them. 

But when they don't stop. When they give you their troubles and don't fight at all, always not fighting, sometimes it becomes too much, and sometimes we can't do it any more..

What does that make us? 

Where does that leave us?
With a loved one we can't support as it's driving us further into our own hole from which we can't escape, 

We know they've gone to a dark place of their own, we understand they need help, but we've been fighting two battles for too long and right now we need a break and a respite.
Is that wrong? 

Does that make us bad?

Hopefully, one day, we can get back to a mutual place, but right now, personal space is needed.

Clutter and Negativity

Life is full of things, or at least that's what they tell us it's meant to be. A 'full life' is the eternal aim, the golden prize for the end of our time, the thing we're to reach for.

Here's my problem: I Like Air. 

That's my deep dark confession, and I don't mean air as in the stuff we breath (though it is pretty damn important) but as in space, the freedom to move, to grow, to be me. 

I find my 'full life' is in fact not full in a desirable way but in a cluttered way. My life is full of negativity and clutter and this is my problem, in following my dreams I forgot to leave air, and in that have been feeling 'growing pains' of late, in order to follow more than one dream, I've been forced into feeling like a 'split personality' just to satisfy the many routes I've attempted to take all at once. Oops. To full, too much Life.

So it's time for a change, I think it's best to start with the literal clutter. The quarter of my wardrobe I never wear, the shoes I don't use, the books I don't read. Then the metaphorical clutter, the activities I keep up from some long forgotten time when they were fun, the old ideals I stick to that no longer make sense, the plans I make out of habit not want.

Then there's those in life who create the negative clutter, some of them I love, but I must stop sharing plans, thoughts and dreams with them, for if I don't they will do their best (interntionally or otherwise) so squash them and make me into the person the believe I am. But I need to become who I am, not who others believe I should be but who I want to become. Meeting negativity at every turn is not going to help this and so I shall make my own path, clear of clutter, and free from negativity (or at least as much as possible).

When not fitting into the moulds of others is causing a problem, there's no point in trying to please others by making yourself unhappy. If they truly loved you then they will understand when you need to follow your own path sometimes, and if they don't understand then maybe they are part of the clutter? That may not mean that you need to completely lose them but just to be aware of how much of your space you share with them.

xx